Rosemary Shortbread

As I'm getting ready to move to my new home this Friday, everything is really setting in. Packing is not going terribly well so far, but hoping to make better progress in that department tomorrow now that I have some bigger boxes. I also went out for some good local food tonight with a few friends.

Guy #3 is still pretty great. We spent the entire afternoon and evening together on Saturday walking around a holiday artists' market, then driving around to look at Christmas lights, and finally settling in to watch a Christmas movie on TV instead of going out to a couple of big events that were going on that night. It was nice just staying in and snuggling/kissing on the couch. Even after the movie was over, we just listened to holiday music and cuddled on the couch for a long time. It was nice just to be with him and rest my head on his shoulder. Even so, I did have a couple of panicked moments, worrying about what happens next, and my usual fear of commitment issues, but those subsiding, he really is great. He came out with me and my friends tonight, bringing boxes from his office to help me out, and we made semi-plans to get together again this week before I leave, and again when I'm in town for New Year's.

I think he is in it for the long haul, but I still have a couple of fears... he seems so put together, well-groomed, and polished.. it's slightly intimidating.. also, I am in general fearful of commitment and letting my guard down completely. Even though he is clearly a good guy and would never purposefully do anything to hurt me (hard to think of him even accidentally doing something wrong since he is so conscientious..), I am scared. I'm not really sure how to overcome this -- it has always been a problem for me -- but it is something I need to work on if I ever hope to be in a successful relationship. I feel guilty even having these feelings with him because he is so good to me. I have no reason whatsoever to doubt him. Everything he does is so automatically thoughtful and caring. Must make myself relax.

Before packing this week, I had to get some Christmas presents out in the mail to the extended family. For the more distant relatives, I generally send them a big box of goodies to share. This year I sent chocolate-dipped peanut brittle, coffee beans from my favorite local roaster, and a large tin of rosemary shortbread. The shortbread turned out great and was very easy!

Rosemary Shortbread

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
• 1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened
• 2 tablespoons mild honey
• 1/2 cup confectioners sugar
• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar

Whisk together flour, salt, baking powder, and rosemary in a bowl.

Mix together butter, honey, and confectioners sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer at low speed, then add flour mixture and mix until dough resembles coarse meal with some small (roughly pea-size) butter lumps. Gather dough into a ball and transfer to a lightly floured surface. Knead dough until it just comes together, about 8 times.

Form dough into a disk shape, wrap in plastic wrap, and chill for at least 20 minutes. Dough should be cold, but malleable. It can also be made in advance. Chilling the dough helps the cookies keep their shape in the oven.

When you are ready to bake, preheat oven to 300°F. Lay out a sheet of wax paper on the counter and dust with flour. Place disk of chilled dough onto wax paper, and top with a little more flour and a second sheet of wax paper. Using rolling pin, roll out dough to desired thickness into a square shape. Cut dough into 1-inch squares using a pizza cutter. Place squares onto greased cookie sheets, sprinkle lightly with granulated sugar, and bake for 20-25 minutes until golden.

Worry

So I'm starting to worry. I'm worried about leaving my life in the city behind, leaving my friends, and Guy #3. I'm worried that I won't like my new small town. I'm worried that my family will drive me crazy from their new proximity. I'm worried that I won't find a good moving company, I won't be able to get my Christmas shopping and travel plans together, and nothing is going to work out. Sigh..

I'm pretty mad at myself for not giving Guy #3 a chance sooner -- if we had had any time, I think it could really turn into something, but I just don't know what will happen now since I'm moving next week. We continue to talk almost daily and go out on dates. We went out on Sunday and had such a nice time, despite the rather ridiculous concert that we attended. He and I had dinner at a nice restaurant first, getting a few dishes to share, which was fun. We then went to the concert -- a contemporary chamber ensemble that I've seen a few times and really enjoyed. Unfortunately, the concert was not exactly what I was expecting -- instead of the usual variety, mixing Mahler with Velvet Underground and other unusual combinations, they played all minimalist, mathematical, atonal compositions from the early 20th century. This type of music is for the pure academic, and yes, I've studied it as a music student, but it is completely unenjoyable to listen to, especially for 2 1/2 hours! Ugh. It was pretty awful actually, and I felt very guilty for having subjected him to this, but he was great through the whole thing (we had to stay since I know the people who lead the ensemble). Afterward, he took me home and we chatted a little longer before a shy peck on the lips and our "goodnights", agreeing that we should get together again soon.

Whenever we're together, time seems to go by so quickly, with never a lull in conversation, and always having a good time. His manners are impeccable; always thoughtful and looking for ways to make me comfortable, and he seems to remember everything I've ever told him -- he'll bring up some little thing I might have mentioned weeks ago, and remember that there was somewhere new I wanted to try, or my preference of something or other. He is so far the complete package. I'm not sure what will happen once I've moved, but as my friend Christine says, he knows that I'm moving, and he's definitely not acting like this is a fling.. Flings don't send flowers, open the car door for you, and remember everything you've ever said in conversation. Hm.